THE OBSERVER-(M-29)
Sat 31 Oct 2020
PREM KAHANI
YA
PREM ROGUE
The narrative had to come to this topic some day or the other, so what better time than right now ? After the episodes of the Raising Day and The Shimla Accord, was to come the one regarding the Long Range Patrol.This tour on duty took me almost up to the source of the Sutlej in Himachal ; then across a high mountain pass and down the Ganga in Uttarakhand. A truly remarkable and memorable adventure. But, unlike the other episodes thus far which flowed freely from the word go,this particular one kept getting hiccups and hitting roadblocks. The otherwise smooth ride repeatedly got caught in a flood of emotions. Something had gone missing.It looked as if a very important and fundamental element had been left out from the sequence of life - events thus far. No human story can be said to be complete without the Cupid angle having been given its due place.
So, in keeping with the natural flow and shelving the LRP saga for a later date, i now turn to matters of the heart - Prem Kahani and go down Prem Gali. Looking back, it is clear that the opening lines of this dominant chapter of my life were penned down early, when i was in Kindergarten. Our Class Teacher, Sister Jones,an Irish nun , unwittingly became the sole object of my devout admiration and adulation, the Queen astride the throne in my heart. Why ? For one thing, she was pink, pinker than anyone else i had ever laid eyes upon.Then she had sparkling blue eyes with a heavenly, angelic smile that lit up the hiils with sunshine and cheer. There i go again - but then,that is the background which necessarily needs to be put down before proceeding further.
After Sister Jones, there followed a trail of recepients of my (mostly secret and sacred) devotion through school and college times till OTA days. Most of these Goddesses in human form had no inkling of my feelings towards them as i could never find the gumption to actually speak to them on the subject . Not a small amount of my time and energy was spent in numerous detailed dry runs of the moment of the all-important declaration of love that nevertheless lay unspoken inside me most times. The object of my adulation may have been changing on a regular basis but at any given moment,there was always only one name in the heart for whose sake one was ready to take on the whole world.The kind for whom one could happily lay down one's life.Towards the end of our YO's Course, it looked as if i had finally found the perfect companion for life, my soulmate, in Pune.
After joining the unit, i was looking forward eagerly for the day i would be passing through Pune en-route Belgaum for the Commando Course. Dreams of a joyful re-union in Pune kept me going through many a dreary day. But barely a month or two before that, i was detailed on this LRP at short notice. It took longer than originally scheduled owing to seasonal landslides in that region . In order to avoid getting late for the Course, i left the patrol party when we reached Rishikesh after completion of patrolling.I did not wait to go for the debriefing at the start point in Sugar Sector and instead reported at the unit.
Col Sam Superman, a no-nonsense, Staff College Camberley type, had taken over as CO while i was away on LRP. Destiny willed it that my first official meeting with him took place in his office at that point of time. I requested to be allowed to proceed immediately for the Commando Course.At first he was very happy with my action.But after speaking to the Brigade Commander he told me to first rejoin the patrol party and attend the debriefing in Sugar Sector for completetion of formalities. I complied and reported back in double-quick time, requesting to be allowed to proceed forthwith for the Course but was asked to wait. No opportunity was there for me to extend the dialogue and explain why i was in such a hurry and that i wanted some leave on completion of the Course
That evening,i sat all alone in the Mess, sipping glass after glass of rum and musing how unjust the entire system was, preventing a lonely pining heart from proceeding to Pune en-route Belgaum on bona-fide military duty!
Also unexpressed, remained my hopes for spending some leave - time in Pune after the Course.Enter Parthasarathy Premkumar Pattukottaiwale (known to the cops as P-cube); friend, philosopher and guide of the downtrodden, from left centre of the stage, very soliticitiously enquiring about my well-being. Two or three drinks later, having gotten a firm grasp of the situation, fully aided and abetted by five or six cigarettes, P-cube came up with a simple solution. He always did. And in those days, we did not believe in "wasting" any time between thinking up a solution and putting it into action.
Within moments, we were ringing the doorbell at the CO's residence. He was obviously taken aback at seeing the two specimens in high spirits at his doorstep at that late hour. But being the epitome of an officer and a gentleman that he was ( not to forget the Camberley part ), we were politely invited in. Aaah ! Obviously,we had dropped into a cosy little get-together he was having with his N.D.A. batchmate visiting him from outstation along with his lady wife. Being perfect gentlemen ourselves, after the customary introductions were over, we accepted the drinks offered and settled down. Soon, P-cube turned out to be the life and soul of this little gathering, having found a lot in common with the first lady. I kept sipping my drink, waiting for an opportunity to diplomatically present my case to Superman, with no success. But when P-cube is in his element in the evening, there is little chance of anyone else getting a word in edgewise, as everyone present there soon discovered.
Keeping in mind the time- honoured tradition of not insulting the gracious ( though involuntary) host by having only one drink, we had three or even four, just to be on the safe side. We finally left the place on a high and cheerful note after P-cube quietly informed me to relax as he had taken care of everything. I went to sleep that night with the great satisfaction of having succeeded on a difficult mission.
Early the next morning, i was surprised to get a phone-call from the Adjutant. For some strange reason ,he was very keen to know in detail what had taken place the previous day. When i told him how i had " called on " the CO along with P-cube, he asked if anything untoward had taken place in the process. I replied that i was certain that the evening had been a big hit. After some further cross- examination, the Adjt said that i should make it convenient to come to the office in No. 1 rig as the CO had desired that i should be marched up first thing in the morning.
One thing about hanging around with P-cube is that when he is around, a very optimistic and positive air prevails even under the worst of circumstances. In the eyes of the pining lover-boy 2/Lt, nothing could have gone wrong when he was genuinely attempting to follow the calls of his heart. He marched into the CO's office with his chin up , expecting nothing but good tidings,despite all the fears expressed by the Adjt.
What followed is unforgettable. Probably the CO thought that this was a befitting occassion to stamp his seal of authority on the unit once and for all.In hindsight, I am quite sure he spent the whole night preparing and polishing the impeccable speech he delivered. Because as far as admonishing speeches go, it was outstanding both in content and delivery.
He missed out nothing. The special relationship between a CO and any officer of the unit, that too a piddly 2/Lt was emphasised while also shedding some light on the protocol of calling-on on senior officers at their residence. And as if that was not enough, the very idea of utilising the services of a batch-mate for sifarish regarding leave on compassionate grounds was an unpardonable crime, in his opinion." Now F Off for your Commando Course ", said the CO. I saluted and dutifully did just that - 'F'-ed off from his presence and ho for the Course a day or two later after getting the official Movement Order. As for P-cube,after dropping me in the Mess that night he was not to be seen for some months, in keeping with his standard operating procedure of vanishing at the conclusion of his merciful "good-deed " missions without waiting for thanks.
